


Brick

by wednesdays__child



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 13:51:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8058817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdays__child/pseuds/wednesdays__child
Summary: Aaron collapses as the ghost of George Foyet continues to haunt him. His and Spencer's life together start to crumble when they finally discover why.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [DarkJediQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen) in the [profilers_anon](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/profilers_anon) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> GIVE US YOUR ANGST!
> 
> Anything goes with this. Short or slightly longer, give us the unhappy endings you never dare to write!
> 
> I heard the song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five and this happened. I have never written MPREG before so this is a major first for me. I blame DarkJediQueen and RiverMoon1970 for inspiring me with their Angst War.
> 
> Also, no Beth and no Maeve. 
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING:** This fic will discuss abortion/pregnancy termination. If you have issues reading or dealing with this topic, please do not read this.
> 
>  **Spoilers:** Season 9, Episode 5 - Route 66 and Season 9, Episode 10 - The Caller
> 
> Unbetaed - Sorry. All mistakes are my own.

*************

 _Can't you see it's not me you're dying for? Now I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before. She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly. Off the coast and I'm heading nowhere. She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly. - Ben Folds_

Spencer sat in the back of the ambulance, staring in shocked silence as the medics worked on his lover on the way to the hospital. It had been terrifying watching Hotch collapse to the floor of the roundtable room. He had no idea what was happening. Aaron had been off for the past few weeks, sleeping more than normal and getting tired despite backing off a little on his training for the next triathlon. 

Aaron had brushed it off as a side effect of the flu he'd had weeks before. The older agent never got sick but the nausea and vomiting had been unrelenting, but he had been feeling better as of late. 

Spencer quickly relayed the information to the medics and did his best to stay out of their way while they worked. He blinked quickly, fighting back the tears and just wishing that Aaron would at least open his eyes so Spencer could tell him how much he loved him. He hadn't said it yet - not out loud anyway.

He didn't want to miss Aaron hearing it, even if it was only once.

*************

Spencer called the team, letting them know what the doctor had told him. Unfortunately at this point, it wasn't much. Internal bleeding, most likely due to a torn adhesion from the Foyet stabbings. But why this? Why now?

The surgeon was rushing Aaron into emergency surgery to see if they could locate the bleeder and was sure they could find the problem. It was all pretty standard and they weren't worried so Spencer wasn't worried.

That was until the surgeon came out again, much too quickly. He was tall and broad with a stern, tight expression on his face. It reminded him too much of Aaron. Aaron who was bleeding out on an OR table while his surgeon was out here. Spencer tried to remember his name but for once his superior memory failed him.

"Dr. Reid?"

"Yes," Spencer answered quickly. 

He grew even more worried when the surgeon directed him into a small, private room.

"We have you listed as Mr. Hotchner's medical power of attorney."

"Yes." Now Spencer was really getting nervous. "I'm also his..." How did he describe what they were? Boyfriend didn't sound right but lover was too dirty. "...partner. What is going on?"

"Why didn't you tell us that Mr. Hotchner is a carrier?"

"What?!" Spencer practically shouted, shock making his voice high and tight. His brain jumped to a logical conclusion but it didn't make any sense. "Aaron is a..?"

The doctor took a deep breath before continuing. "You didn't know, did you?"

"Didn't know..?" He couldn't continue the thought, the words trapped in his throat, making him gag.

The surgeon - whatever his name was - directed Spencer to a hard, unforgiving chair before looking Spencer directly in the eyes. "Dr. Reid. Mister Hotchner is currently pregnant. From what we can tell, he is approximately nineteen weeks along. His expanding womb is what caused the tearing of the scar tissue which is causing the internal bleeding. We believe the best course of action would be to terminate the pregnancy and remove the womb and the surrounding scar tissue. However, because Mister Hotchner can not consent to the surgery, we have to ask you to sign the papers to end the pregnancy."

Spencer sat in shock. It all suddenly fell into place: the nausea - morning sickness, his brain supplied - the tiredness, the weight gain. How had they missed it? How had he missed it? Why hadn't Aaron told him?

"Nineteen weeks?" he croaked out. "Are you sure?"

Spencer knew the statistics. Nineteen weeks was not considered viable for survival. Numbers and figures flew through his head and he suddenly wished he hadn't researched so much when JJ was pregnant with Henry. 

"The probability that a child would survive at this stage is very slim even under the best of circumstances. But when you factor in Mister Hotchner's age and the scar tissue littering his abdomen, his chances decrease even more. If he were to try to carry the child to term, there is a less than ten percent chance that either would survive."

"Nine point seven five percent," Spencer quietly supplied. When the doctor simply nodded his head, Spencer had to suppress the urge to punch him.

He took a few moments before he made his decision. The surgeon looked at him with an aching sadness in his eyes as Spencer signed the paperwork. As he watched the doctor quickly walking away, Spencer hoped that Aaron would forgive hm, if he even survived. 

*************

It had been an hour and he still hadn't heard anything from the medical staff. He'd taken a moment to call the team to let them know what was going on, or at least an abbreviated version of what had happened. He told them it was related to Foyet, however he left out the whole pregnancy side of the story. They didn't need to know that, not now, maybe not ever.

He wondered how all of this could happen. He and Aaron had grown close after Haley's death, Spencer helping Jack and Aaron settle and bond after the loss of the woman that both Hotchner men loved. Helping out turned into hanging out which turned into making out. Spencer had developed a crush on his boss practically the morning they'd first met despite the fact that he never anticipated that anything would ever happen between them. When it did, he was shocked and pleased. Aaron confided in him that he had never been with another man, but had always felt a pull toward the young genius. 

The first time they made love, Spencer knew that there would never be anyone else for him. Aaron was perfect for him - gentle and affectionate but still strong and powerful. Spencer loved opening his body to his Unit Chief. It wasn't until nearly a year later when Aaron started to ask Spencer for more - little things like fingering his virgin hole while Spencer sucked his cock, being stretched with toys and butt plugs. When Aaron finally asked Spencer to fuck him, Spencer was more than happy to oblige. He tried to be like Aaron, gentle and affectionate, but there were too many sensations, too tight, too hot, too perfect, and Spencer worried that he had scared Aaron off with his over enthusiasm. His worry was unfounded as Aaron took to riding on Spencer's cock like he was born to do it, like it was the most glorious thing he could ever do. Spencer was always happy to give as good as he got, but he forgot one thing - protection.

Not being a carrier himself, Spencer never thought to ask Aaron if he was. Certainly Aaron would have brought it up if he was, wouldn't he?

Now? Now Spencer knew that wasn't true. Aaron was a carrier. He'd gotten the older man pregnant. 

And Spencer told them to take it away.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, and prayed to a god he didn't even believe in that his lover would be okay and understand his decision.

*************

They were laying in a field on a beautiful summer day. Spencer smiled at the feeling of fingers softly carding through his hair as he rested his cheek against the swollen belly beneath him. The warmth of the sun beat down on his face and he chuckled as he felt a small movement under his face. 

"She's so restless," Spencer whispered, drawing ever widening circles over the expanding belly of his lover. "What did you want to name her?"

Aaron was quiet for a moment before he whispered, "Katherine."

"Like 'The Great'?"

"Yeah, like The Great."

They lay there in quiet, Spencer's fingers moving in circles and Aaron playing with his hair. It was nice. It was quiet. It was unreal.

Slowly, Spencer began to wake, sighing at the feeling of fingers carding through his hair. "Aaron," he whispered softly, lifting his head from the hospital bed.

"Hey," Hotch responded back, a small, tight smile on his face, his skin pale and drawn behind the nasal cannula pumping oxygen into his body. 

"How long have you been awake?" Spencer asked, surprised by the weakness in his own voice.

"Awhile. You were sleeping so peacefully, I just couldn't wake you. You were actually smiling."

Spencer stared up into his lover's smiling eyes. The same eyes that twinkled at him when they were being playful, the same eyes that smouldered with lust as he thrust inside him, the same eyes that now were shining with love. He wanted to be gentle, to ease Aaron into this conversation, to ask when they were both feeling better but he couldn't help it as the question flew from his mouth.

"Aaron, why didn't you tell me you were a carrier?"

Shock colored the older man's features as he stared at his lover. "What? Why does it matter?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it was important, that's all," Hotch answered simply. "You're clean, I'm clean and I can't conceive. Foyet saw to that. When he stabbed me, he tore right through my womb and he..." Aaron paused, unable to admit to something he never told anyone, a truth he never even admitted to himself. "He stabbed me where he knew he would destroy the birth canal. Why does this matter, Reid?"

Spencer took a deep steadying breath before whispering, "You collapsed because you had internal bleeding from a torn adhesion in your abdomen. The scar tissue was from the stabbing from Foyet. The tear happened because your belly was expanding. You were..."

The gasp stopped him short. He looked up in time to see Aaron slowly pass his left hand over his now, once again, flat belly. He watched as the pieces fell into place and Aaron came to understand the awful truth.

"I was...no."

That was all he was able to say before he completely broke down, sobbing into Spencer's chest as the younger man pulled him in, clinging to him like he was the only lifeline left. And maybe, just maybe, he was. 

*************

Weeks passed. Aaron healed physically. Spencer helped. They returned to work and fell into their known roles, playing the parts they were supposed to play. Unfortunately, when they were alone, they didn't know what to do. They tried, they really did. Aaron hid behind his stoic, Unit Chief persona, trying to hold himself together even as Spencer tried to pull him apart. 

At first, no one noticed. Cases came and went but any time there were children involved, Hotch and Reid seemed to have a more difficult time. Spencer watched carefully as Aaron flinched every time he had to listen to the vocal recording taunting, "I'm going to get you".

As soon as they landed back in DC coming in from St. Louis, Aaron begged off, heading home because of a headache. The team watched him leave, knowing something was wrong. Aaron Hotchner didn't go home because of a headache. Hell, he'd come to work despite being sick and nearly dying as he bled out internally.

They waited. Spencer knew they'd waited until he was done with his paperwork when they cornered him in Aaron's office. As he dropped the finished files in the Unit Chief's Inbox, he heard the clearing of a throat behind him. He turned quickly, barely holding in the startled yelp as spun around. 

He started to ask before he was cut off by JJ.

"What's going on, Spence?"

"What do you mean?" he tried to deflect.

"Don't do that," Derek answered, his gaze hard but sympathetic. "We know, Spencer. We know about you and Hotch. We're profilers. You can't hide that kind of thing from us. But something is up, something more than you've told us about Hotch's surgery. He's been different since. You've been different. Don't try to deny it."

"I don't know..." he started, wishing he didn't have to swallow down the terror and pain he knew had to be showing on his face.

"Son," Rossi stopped him. "It's time to tell the truth."

And Spencer broke down because he was tired of lying. 

************

That night, he walked in to the quiet apartment. Jack was staying with Jessica because the young boy couldn't understand the sorrow that hovered around his father. Spencer made his way back to the bedroom, sure that was where he would find Aaron. He expected the man to curled up under the blankets of their bed, hiding himself away from the world, hoping to hold off the pain of reality for a few more hours. Instead, the older man was sitting on the far side of the bed, his back bowed and to the door.

Slowly, the genius climbed onto the bed and tentatively crawled over to his love. He settled himself against Aaron's back before resting his chin on his left shoulder. He stared in shocked silence at the sheet of paper held in the Unit Chief's hand, surprised that Aaron went through his things.

"You requested the pathology report." It wasn't a question, as if Aaron had expected nothing less.

"Yeah. I had to know."

Strong fingers traced over words that seemed too simple, too clinical for what they had been through. "Products of conception," Hotch read out loud. "That's what all this boils down to? Not even a baby or a person. Just products of conception."

"Medically speaking, the pathology report needs to state..."

"I know, Spencer," Aaron whispered, this voice breaking slightly. "I know." After a shuddering breath, he continued, "I didn't know I was pregnant, never knew I wanted to be. I know that even trying to carry the baby to term would have killed me. So why does this hurt so bad? Why do I feel like a part of me died on that table?"

Spencer wrapped long, slim arms around his lover's waist, resting his palms where a protruding bump should be. "I know how you feel, Aaron and I'm so sorry." His breath caught on a sob before he buried his face in Aaron's warm neck, as if he could hide away from this confession. "I never wanted a child. Ever. I was so scared of passing on my genes, that any child of mine might suffer like my mom. But now...how can I miss a child that was never even born?"

Thick, calloused fingers traced the words of the report again before Aaron whispered, "A girl. She would have been a girl."

"Yeah. I asked if we could find out because I just needed to know."

They were silent for a long time, both men digesting the information. Finally Aaron asked, "Can we name her?"

Spencer smiled lightly before placing a soft kiss on the stubbled cheek. "Of course. Katherine?"

Aaron gasped softly. "How did you know?"

"It just came to me. You know, like The Great."

"Yeah, like The Great. Middle name?"

"I've always been partial to Marie."

"Antoinette?"

"Curie."

Aaron chuckled. "Okay then. Katherine Marie it is."

"Katherine Marie Hotchner."

"Katherine Marie Reid-Hotchner."

It hurt. Just hearing that name hurt. 

Tears fell unbidden from hazel eyes as Spencer clutched his partner tighter to his chest. He felt Aaron begin to shudder beneath his grip as sobs began to wrack the older man's body, unable to hold back his grief any longer. The report was crumpled in a clenched fist as both men wept, mourning the loss of the child they would never know.

_A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses a parent is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is. - Jay Neugenoren_

**END**


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